Losing Your Writing Voice

Writing, just like anything else, is something that you need to keep in shape. If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. I call this losing your voice. Not losing your voice like the time when you drank too much with your fraternity brothers and kept on screaming “I LOVE YOU GUYS!” every 5 minutes.

I mean like losing your voice in a different way. Losing it in a way that means that the longer you don’t write on a regular basis the weirder and more awkward it feels the next time that you decide to put some thoughts down on paper. You lose your flow and what was once easy slowly becomes more and more difficult. It really sucks and whether most of them know it or not t’s usually the reason why most bloggers end up leaving their blog for dead.

Of course, that also can go the other way and I would have to say that learning your voice and continuing to refine it is one of the most important thing that a writer (and especially a blogger) can do. The bloggers and other writers who can nail this and keep at it until their voice is well known, admired and listened to over and over again will become the one’s who can turn it into a fulltime gig. You gotta love the web for that.

So where is my voice at these days? I would say that between learning to type the right way and being terrible with making time for this blog my voice has a long way to go.But, it’s up to me and for the rest of you to find the voice that we all have inside of us and let it be all that it can be.

Does anyone even care about our voices? If we don’t get to the point to where we really know what our voice is we’ll never know that answer. How about we keep on writing and we’ll figure it out together.

Time, Your Most Valuable Asset

As I’ve gotten older and my life has gone through several major changes over the past few years (moving, getting married, becoming a Christian) I’ve realized that time is the most valuable asset that I have. I’ve just started putting some thought into this, but here are some reasons why I say this.

For one, it’s a limited resource and none of us know how much of it we have left. Although many of us don’t think about time like this, it’s true. We’re here now, but we might not be here tomorrow. This means that what we choose to spend our time on is what we feel like is most important in our lives. It’s really that simple.

Also, even though we don’t know how much time we have left in our lives we still have control over what we decide to spend our time on while we’re still here. There are only 24 hours in a day and it’s up to you how you spend them. As you get older you’re going to have more and more restrictions on your time which will make it even more important to manage the time that you have free to spend doing what you want.

As a recently married man (my wife and I just celebrated our two year anniversary), I would have to say that I’m pretty bad at managing my time. Ok, that’s not the truth — I’m really bad.

This is because when I was single I had all of the time in the world to get the things done that I needed to do, but that’s changed. The minute you add a wife that you love and always want to be with into the mix things change. It’s been an incredible learning experience for me and thanks to the amazing patience of my wife I’m slowly getting better with my time and how I spend it.

We’re learning all of this together and it’s tough. It’s really tough. Bringing together two selfish people who have ideas of what they think is the best to do with their time is always going to be hard. We’re still learning how do best manage this and I’m sure we’ll still be learning twenty years from now.

One thing I’ve learned through these first two years of marriage and something that all married men should be aware of is that if you want to show your wife how much you love her then you need to show her that she’s worth your time.

How can you show your wife that she’s worth your time? Here are a few ways that I try (remember, I’m still learning):

  • Watching TV together (even if it’s Jersey Shore)
  • Plan things ahead of time (dinner/date night/weekend trips)
  • Cards and flowers (what you write is more important than you think)
  • Take the time to look nice for your wife when you go out (I still suck at this one)
  • Hide notes in places that you know she’ll find later (sunglasses case, purse, clothing pockets)
  • Don’t go straight home after you do something together — go have some coffee or dessert somewhere (it’s good to have time to simply have conversations with no distractions)
  • Keep the phone in your pocket (that Facebook update will still be there when you get home)

I hope these help and if you have any other ways that I should add to the list, feel free to let me know in the comments below. I’m going to be writing more about these types of things that I think a lot about and anything that you can along the way is always appreciated.

 

The Mailing Ruth Project

Several months ago I got into the habit of writing my 95 year-old grandma hand-written letters and it was awesome. Very quickly we became pen pals and every week or so I would send out a new letter to her and in return I would get one right back. It’s an old school way to do things, but it’s how she was used to doing it (she doesn’t use email) and it was always cool to get something in the mail besides bills and junk pre-approved credit card offers.

My grandma and I did this for a few months or so, but I broke the commitment when Stephanie and I went on our mission trip to the Congo. Fast forward about six months later and even though I would love to start writing more letters to grandma I haven’t found a way to make it happen. Sad, I know, but it’s the truth. It’s something that I’ve thought about doing quite a bit, but I’ve never pulled the trigger on actually sitting down and writing another letter.

The Mailing Ruth Project Idea

But, a couple of weeks ago an idea hit me. If I had liked sending letters back and forth to grandma I bet that the rest of the family would enjoy it, too. Not to mention that if grandma loved getting letters from me I bet that she would be ecstatic to get some from the rest of the 80+ family members that are listed under her on the family tree. This idea of creating a way for the rest of the family to send letters to grandma got my wheels turning and quickly I came up with a way that I thought I could make it happen.

I named the project “Mailing Ruth” (that’s my grandma’s real name that I never call her by) and decided the goal would be to create a way for me and the rest of my family to send grandma something every, single day until the end of the year (without telling her we were doing it — surprise!). If I could help make sure that there would be something new in her mailbox everyday from now until New Years I would be happy and I knew that grandma would be, too. It’s also worth noting that she’s not getting out as much as she used to these days so finding something from her family in her mailbox each day would mean ever more to her.

The Details To Make It Happen

I wanted to keep this project as simple as possible and since I needed all of my family to participate it needed to be quick to join and easy to understand. I decided to set up a spreadsheet in Google Docs that included two columns — 1. Date and 2. Mail Sender. The dates extended until the end of the year (which was about 150 days) and the instructions were simple:

1. Choose 4-5 dates when you can send grandma something in the mail.
2. Add your name next to those days.
3. Mark the days you choose on your calendar and don’t forget to send out something to grandma on those days.

Here’s what the spreadsheet looked like after being filled in by a few family members:

Socializing The Idea And Getting Early Adopters

I added my name to the spreadsheet 5 times and then chatted with my sister to tell her about the idea to see what she thought and to also get her involved. She instantly loved the idea and quickly went and added her names to the list, too. This was an important moment as I had scored my first contributor with little effort which made me hopeful about getting the rest of the family to join in, too.

Next I called my mom and told her about the idea and although she didn’t instantly add her names to the list she seemed to like what I was trying to do and gave me some ideas on how to reach the rest of the family. I sent her an email with some instructions on how to pick her dates and she ended up filling it out within the next 24 hours after I followed up with her a few times to make sure that she knew what she needed to do.

Spreading The Idea To Influencers And Beyond

After my mom added herself to the list and now that I had a few spots filled out it was time to reach out the rest of my family so that they could join in. This meant that I needed to come up with an email that could be forwarded around the rest of my family so they not only understood what I was trying to do with the project, but that also got them all excited enough to join in and participate (and get other family members that I didn’t know how to reach involved, too). I needed the email to be short and sweet, but it also needed to clearly explain what I was trying to do with the Mailing Ruth Project and why they should participate.

Here’s the email I sent:

———-

I wanted to send you a message real quick about a new idea that I’m working on called Mailing Ruth. It’s basically a way for grandma Honnold to get a new letter or card from one of her family members until the end of the calendar year. Of course, it will also be a really cool surprise for her that she’ll enjoy (be sure not to tell grandma anything about this, it’s a family secret!). It’s a pretty simple idea and it actually got kicked off today by Angie (she sent off the first letter to grandma this morning) — all I need now is the rest of the able members of the Honnold family tree to join in the fun, too (this means you, of course).

Here’s what I need you to do:

1. Add your name to the Mailing Ruth list under MAIL SENDER 4-5 times, which you can do over in this spreadsheet: https://spreadsheets.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0Avsar8uugozCdGJfdmtpQV (please list yourself individually and not as a couple/family so that we can have as many people involved as possible)

2. Be sure to mark the specific days on your calendar so that you can mail out your letter or card to grandma when you’re supposed to (it’s very important to send them out on time)

3. Send this message to the as many other members of the Honnold family so that they can add their names to the list, too.

4. Send the cards and letters and help give grandma Honnold an awesome surprise!

If you have any questions about this please feel free to email me back at ryan.hupfer@gmail.com or call me.

Thanks for playing along and I can’t wait to hear all about this from grandma – she’s going to love it! 

———-

After mailing that out to a few of my more communicative family members (the family influencers, if you will) the spreadsheet started to fill up before my very eyes. Family members of all ages and from all across the nation added their names to the list and picked out the 4-5 days that they were dedicated to sending grandma something in the mail. Of course I had to follow-up with some of the emails to make sure that people were following through with adding themselves to the list, but as the spreadsheet filled out more and more it became more appealing to the rest of the family since they didn’t want to miss out on participating.

Mailing Ruth Project Update

As of now, we’re 10 days from the first date on the spreadsheet (which is when I sent out the first mail to grandma) and we only have 35 spots left to fill out of the original 151. Now that most of the family is involved it’s going to be easy to get a few more so that all of the dates are filled. I know of a few family members who want to join, but who haven’t added their names, so what I’m going to do is make it easy on them by adding their names myself and emailing them the days that they’re responsible for. I’m more than happy to do this and doing the work for the last few people is all part of getting a project like this 100% completed.

I can’t wait to talk to my grandma to see how she’s been and to hear about what’s new. For some reason I feel like she’s going to have some news to share about getting mail from the family. That’s going to be really fun to hear about.

 

I told myself that I would write something before I went to bed

If I tell myself that I’m going to do something, then I need to stick to it (just like Jason says). I don’t care if that’s finish a run, get up early or keep my clothes on — I need to stick with what I promise myself and you should, too.

Is this the best blog post, ever? Most likely not (although it just keeps on getting better). I’m tired and have a sleeping Pug next to me, but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t  follow through enough to keep myself conscious of the importance of making the things I tell myself I’m going to do actually happen. Wow, that last sentence was long and most likely grammatically incorrect. Gangsta’.

Now that I’m done with that…good night.

 

Pins and Needles

I can’t be the only person who has been affected this way due to the unlimited supply of mobile entertainment on our smart phones, iPads or whatever other personal electronic device is your drug of choice. It’s sad, but true — my once fairly brief rendezvous in the bathroom has now become an opportunity to view all of the top videos on YouTube and to see what’s hot on Reddit.

The result? A slightly uncomfortable experience for a few minutes once the blood starts rushing back to my lower extremities. I also get a slightly shameful feeling once I realize that I’m going to do the same exact thing again the next time I go to the bathroom because I need to do a number two. It’s a vicious cycle and not exactly something I’m proud of, but there’s still no way that I would ever go back to reading shampoo bottles. That’s just weird.

 

Living the Single Bachelor Life for a Month

My wife is a preschool teacher, which  means that:

1. She changes a lot of diapers

2. She gets a Summer vacation

Not that changing a 3 year-old’s diaper isn’t exciting (I get to hear about a lot of good stories), but I’m going to focus on the Summer vacation for now. Just last weekend my wife flew out of SFO excited to be getting a break from the kids she teaches and some time away from our day-to-day life. She left behind me and the Pug (Frank) and we’re currently in single bachelor mode for thirty days, give or take.

It’s actually funny what happens when it’s just Frank and I hanging out together. Surprisingly some of my new married habits that I’ve come to learn and have somehow miraculously stuck around. I’m still making my bed every morning, doing the dishes before they pile up and I’ve even kept our entry way in the apartment clutter-free. These are all things that only a couple of years ago would have never happened and it’s both good and interesting to see that I’m sticking with them even when my wife isn’t keeping me in check. Yay for me, I’m so awesome.

With all of that being said, I’ve also slipped on a few things. I’m a weak, weak man when it comes to maintaining some habits and no matter how marriage conditioned I get I will still revert to the time when it was just me, myself and I. For instance, the first two nights that I was wife-free I didn’t even make it to my bed before I fell asleep. Instead I got comfy with Frank on the couch in my living room and dozed off with reruns and late night infomercials still blaring on the TV in the background. When this happens I usually wake up around 2-3 a.m. wondering where I’m at and why I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. It’s not something I’m particularly proud of, but it’s what happens when I’m left in our apartment all alone.

Other things that happen when the wife ditches me for a while:

1. I stay up way later

2. I skip a lot of meals

3. I don’t ever cook anything

4. I stay at work way later (I also get into work later, too)

5. I hog the entire bed (as long as Frank isn’t already hogging it)

6. I don’t watch any TV, but I watch more movies

So far I’m surviving, but I still have a long way to go. A month is a lot of single bachelor mode, but I think I can make it. More updates soon.

 

The Truth Revolution: It’s Time To Keep It Real

A lot has been on my mind lately and to be honest it’s been a bit of a struggle for me. Normally I would just keep most of it inside and deal with it in the context of private conversations either in my head or with my wife, but I think it’s about time for me to get a little more real when I write. One thing that I really admire is a person’s ability to open up honestly and gracefully about their good, bad and ugly to the world without letting pride get in the way of communicating it (which is something that I have never been very good at). Call it being radically transparent or call it openly complaining — whatever you think it is I see it as being truthful, honest and real with who they are. Truth can be nasty and it’s sometimes hard to hear it and to tell it, but in the end truth is pretty much the most awesome thing ever and it’s something that should be a bigger part of my
 life.

While most of us are great at writing status updates and tweets about all of the great things that are happening in our lives we tend to leave out the things that aren’t going so well or that we need to get off our chest. We tend to leave out the truth. We keep it inside, all locked up in our own heads and instead choose to post a few things that make us look cool instead of vulnerable or trendy instead of transparent. I not only understand why this happens, but I’ve done much more than my fair share of it. In fact, I would say that I’m the king of showing off my good side online and leaving out a lot of the truth. For some reason I’ve just never felt like I needed to share my problems or honest feelings with other people, so I just kept them to myself and made sure that they never made it out into the open. Instead,  I come up with what I think people want to hear (which I’m really good at) and tend to leave out what’s real. It’s kinda sad, but it’s true and it happens more than I’m sure most people like to admit.

But, that’s going to start to change for me because today I’m starting what I like to call my “Truth Revolution”. What this means is that from here on out I’m going to stop writing only about the things that I’m eager to share like a new idea or a fun experience and I’m going to start including other feelings, thoughts and issues that I’m dealing with. Simply put, I’m going to start including more truth in what I write. I’m sure that this will be an ongoing work-in-progress, but I hope that through my writing I can become more truthful in my life and help others to inject more truth into theirs.

Where did all of this Truth Revolution stuff come from? Great question and something that I’ve been asking myself about a lot, too. The only thing that I can point to is that lately God has made it more and more apparent to me how important truth really is and has been making me face it head-on by putting me into situations where it’s the only way out. Living in the truth hasn’t been easy and it’s been a lesson long time coming, but it’s here now and I don’t think that it’s going away anytime soon. If you’re currently not living in the truth I would suggest that you take some time to think about it. Avoiding it is almost always the easiest way out, but believe me when I say that it’s not the choice you want to make. If you want to have your own Truth Revolution, go for it — there’s no better time for it than right now.

 

Inquisitive Pug

Last week I took some funny pics of my Pug, Frank and I though that I should do something with them. They really cracked me up and when I looked at them I thought that Frank looked like he was asking me something very important. What’s important for a Pug to ask? That’s a great question and I don’t have a good answer for it, but I’ve been playing around with a few options and wanted to post them up on here so that I could have some record of my progress.

I think some of the final images are pretty funny and I’ve even started personalizing them for some of my friends on Facebook. I don’t have much time during the week to work in this kind of stuff, but hopefully I can figure out exactly what I want to do with what I’m calling the Inquisitive Pug. I even made a Facebook fan page for it, but who knows what I’m going to do with it.

Here are a few to check out:

 

 

Here’s one I made for my wife (who loves to memorize rap songs):

Being Intentional (and how making your bed every day can help)


photo credit: warrengreport.com

I’m sure there’s been a time in your life when you wanted to make a change. Maybe it was a huge change like losing some weight and maintaining a healthier lifestyle. Or, maybe it’ s less personal and more professional like getting more visibility in your company or being able to handle more responsibility so that you get more respect at your job.

Let’s go much simpler — maybe you just want to be able to talk to people easier and not feel so nervous all of the time.

No matter what your hopes and desires may be for your life I think that we can all agree on a couple of things:

  1. There is always something that we would like to improve/change in our lives
  2. We usually suck at actually making any of these things that we want actually happen (although we’re great at talking about them all the time)

Although I can’t say that I’m even close to having all of the right answers when it comes to making change, I have found one simple (but hard) thing that has definitely pushed me in the right direction: Being Intentional.

What Does Being Intentional Mean?

If you’re being intentional you’re moving around in your life with purpose, forethought and focus. You are making certain decisions on purpose, you’re not only taking what it coming to you on a daily basis and you’re actively thinking about where you’re at, what you’re doing and why. This sounds like it’s a lot of work and a little over the top, but honestly it’s not that hard once you figure out (and it’s actually kind of fun once you get used to it).

I know that examples are a lot better than definitions, so let me tell you a story about how I have become more intentional in my life. This is a very simple example, but you’d be surprised how this small act of being intentional has spilled over into other parts of my life that I would have never thought possible.

Making The Bed

Do you make your bed? I’m guessing that you don’t, but if you do then you deserve a high-five for taking care of business. Back in the day I never used to make my bed. EVER. I mean, what was the point? I never had the time to deal with it and even if I did I was just going to get back into that bed the very same night and mess it all up again. Then why, I ask you, would I take the time to make it look all pretty every single day? Seemed kind of stupid to me.

Fast forward to just a few months ago and I have a whole new perspective. A made bed looks nice, it’s a great first step to getting other things done and it makes me feel good to know that I can consistently keep up at least one (simple) process on a daily basis. One of the main challenges in making a change in your life is the feeling of not knowing where to start. I took this feeling head on by choosing to do something that I knew I could make time for every day as long as I stuck with it. Making my bed every day isn’t a complex task and it’s not something that I have to physically prepare for, which is why it’s a great goal to start with. It’s all about making time for it and making it a priority, which makes it easy to take on but still requires requires effort and attention to complete.

Also, after looking around the web for some more info on making the bed I found this great post from Gretchen Rubin (who is best-selling of  The Happiness Project) about how making your bed every day can lead to being a happier person. Here’s what she says:

…sticking to any resolution – no matter what it is – brings satisfaction. You’ve decided to make some change, and you’ve stuck to it. Because making my bed is one of the first things I do in the morning, I start the day feeling efficient, productive, and disciplined.

I would have to say that I agree.

What Else Does Being Intentional Mean?

Being intentional goes way beyond making a bed. It’s being present in what you are doing, knowing what you want an outcome to be (or at least making a decision either way) and then taking the steps and making the effort to see it through. Being intentional means not just shrugging something off because it’s going to take time and focus to get something done. Being intentional is making the time for the things you really want to have in your life. Being intentional is not just floating around throughout your day hoping that things are going to happen the way that you want them to. Being intentional is a constant reminder of who you are, what situation you’re in and how you would like the situation to play out. Being intentional is hard work and just like with anything else that’s meaningful and worthwhile, it takes time.

What Now?

If you’re someone who feels like you want to achieve something you’ve always wanted, but never did or if you have something you’ve always wanted to change, but have never been able to do it then being a little more intentional with your day to day life can help you get there. To be honest, it’s something that I’m just now learning to do and I am far from an expert, but I do know one thing — being more intentional doesn’t just happen It’s a long-term process that needs to start off somewhere small and work it’s way into your life. I started with making my bed and that got me started in the right direction. What’s going to get you headed to where you need to go?

#RyanParty T-Shirt + Sign Design

A couple of months ago I met a fellow tall Ryan at a little get together and he mentioned that some of his other friends named Ryan were going to put together a party that was just for all of the Ryans who live in the Bay Area. He said that they would, of course, allow people with other names to show up, but the night was going to be all about being a Ryan and nothing more. Oh, and maybe your name is Bryan or Brian, the close cousin of Ryan? Well, you can come too, but you have to wear a Ryan name tag for the entire night. You don’t have to like it, but you still have to wear it. It’s our night.

Admittedly me and the Ryan who I was talking to at the time had put away a few beers together at this point, so I wasn’t completely sold if this was ever really going to happen. I mean, I wished that it would and I wanted to believe that the Ryan Party was going to come true, but for some reason it just didn’t sound possible. It was like it was just too good to be true.

Man, was I wrong. The #RyanParty is on and it’s on big. I’m heading there tonight with a fellow Ryan and we’re going to be rocking the design you see below on t-shirts that we just had printed today. For all of you other Ryans out there (and fans of Ryans) I put it online so that you can download a PDF version of it.

See you at the party.